You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
