I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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