Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
