sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
ok first of all what the fuck
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
