"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
