____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You dont lie about slip and slides
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
