Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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