she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
