I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
