yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
COCAINE IS GR8
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
