Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
