next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He had one of those small greek statue penises
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
