just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
