forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
