Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
