i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
