after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
