Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
40s are totally the cure
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
