this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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