New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
