Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
