She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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