he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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