he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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