I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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