I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
