they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
