So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
