Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
sick fucks of a feather flock together
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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