am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
