It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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