So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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