it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
