The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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