Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Randomize
