watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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