Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
