Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
