How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
