the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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