why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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