but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
