Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
love makes seman taste better
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
