I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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