i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
