It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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