Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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