is your mom at the bar?
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
