The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
