I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
