he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
