Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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