Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
