im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
