Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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